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Abuse in Relationships

Hey there. It’s been a while.

I could go into a whole tirade full of cliched excuses, but… that’s too much work, plus it’s not what this blog is about really.

No, today I’m going to rant a little bit about abuse. Because sadly, that’s the society we live in now and is easily covered over with comments like, “Well, that’s how I was raised,” “I have a mental illness,” or “Clearly they were asking for it.”

I’m no stranger to mental illness, let’s be clear about that. I understand that there are things we can’t always control when it comes to how we handle things (I tend to hide more often than not because it’s easier than confronting the situation head-on), but that shouldn’t be an excuse when it comes to respect.

I was in an intimate relationship where the common joke was, “I’m going to throw this out the window just to test it,” if it said something about being impact resistant. This joke was upsetting because it was referring to gifts that cost me over $100. So when someone does this for you, don’t make light of it. Just accept the gift. If you do want to test it, do it on your own time.

Why is this mentioned in a blog post about abuse? Simple. Because it can come across as insensitive and rude. Often the little things become the most memorable. Because the person saying or doing them doesn’t understand the impact they have or they just don’t care.

We often think abuse is only physical, because they leave marks that we can see. But abuse, in my experience, is more than just physical. It’s mental and emotional. It’s making jokes about someone’s appearance; it’s making jokes about gifts that are given out of care and attention; it’s not listening when someone is talking about something that they clearly care about.

Abuse is also hurting yourself because you aren’t getting something done, it’s swearing under your breath about yourself as you realize you screwed up, it’s not taking care of yourself and letting things fester. My heart always hurts when I see self harm, because I feel helpless and unsure how to help. If self-harm applies to you and you haven’t already, look into finding a counselor or take classes that can help you address the problem as it comes up rather than let it fester.

Maybe by pointing out what can count as abuse, we can start to move forward. We can learn to focus on ourselves and what we are or are not doing when it comes to certain situations in our lives. Because while we can’t control external situations, we can learn to set healthy boundaries and at the same time we can learn to control the way that we handle ourselves.

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Posted by on November 3, 2016 in Controversial, Society

 

“The Bottom Line”

When it comes down to finding a job, do you run a background search on a company to learn how it treats its employees? Do you research how they treat people in other countries, the ones who work in sweatshops to make your shirts, your shoes, your books? Do you see if they just buy American-made products?

If each of us did that, there would be not just a riot in the streets, but most likely no one would apply for a job at those places that didn’t meet a humane standard. Or even an environmental one.

Why do we continue to let Corporate America tell us that we don’t deserve a living wage, that we don’t deserve healthcare, that our jobs aren’t important enough to warrant a pay-raise? Because we feel that eventually we ourselves will reach that level one day, and don’t want to be told that we aren’t humane, that we are without morals.

If we change the way companies in America treat their employees (I’m specifically looking at Wal-Mart here), we can also change the way those same companies treat the workers in other countries. But for this to occur we have to be willing to change ourselves. We have to be willing to stand up not just for ourselves, but for those who share this planet with us. No one deserves to be treated as a slave, simply to bring in money that doesn’t go anywhere except for the very top.

 
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Posted by on August 9, 2013 in Controversial, Politics

 

Gun Rights

When tragedies like what happened in Connecticut occur, facebook blows up with support. However, when talk of regulating guns due to said tragedies opens up, the “right to guns” people come out of the closet–literally.

“Guns don’t kill people; people kill people,” is a regular slogan. And obviously, it doesn’t really matter what the weapon of choice is, because people will still kill people.

But so does driving drunk; so does talking on a cellphone while driving. What is the point of regulating those, if guns can be passed out without any form of regulation? Think about this while you are screaming and crying and praying for the murder victims’ families. Because tragedies like what happened today can be reduced, if we are actually trying to do something about it.

 
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Posted by on December 14, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

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Holocausts

Okay, I’m going to start off by saying that this is a difficult subject for me, simply because of the horrors that occurred.

Until quite recently, I was not aware that anti-choicers were calling abortion a holocaust. I do not agree with this for many reasons, one of which being that when the Jewish Holocaust occurred, these were already-living human beings who were dying. The infants were already living and breathing, the mothers, fathers, sisters and brothers were already living. To call abortion a holocaust fails to take these things into account.

There is a website dedicated to the “abortion holocaust.” It doesn’t tell the truth, and it blames Roe v Wade for creating abortion, even though abortion has been around for centuries (yes, even before Jesus was born. It was prevalent during his time on earth as well).

Because I’m taking Cultural Anthropology this quarter, I’m exposed to several different complex ideas about life. One of the books that we were assigned to read talks about 30 different cultures, only going into great detail about 14 of them. In the early 70’s, a group of white miners were charged with murder in Colombia, and in their defense, they said that they believed the Cuiva Indians weren’t human.

How this ties into the abortion holocaust is simply this: No pro-choicer has ever said that the fetus was not human. What we have said is that the fetus has the potential to become a person, but while it is in it’s mother’s womb, it is not a person. It can’t breathe or think on its own, it might be able to move but those are reflexes, because the nerves needed are still developing. In the Jewish holocaust, the people being slaughtered could actually think, feel, breathe and move on their own.

I am not a survivor of the “abortion holocaust” and never will be. I was wanted, even though I was premature (only in the timing, not in my birth). But if my parents had decided to abort, it wouldn’t have mattered to me anyway, because I wouldn’t be here.

 
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Posted by on October 17, 2012 in Controversial, Politics

 
Aside

I started commenting back and forth through a Pro-life page on Facebook a couple of months back. Throughout said comments, I was told that my opinion, if it doesn’t mesh with the person I’m arguing with, was wrong.

I eventually quit posting on the page, not because I wasn’t backed up (I was), but because there was honestly no point. Many of the people I argued with never had real facts to back up their opinions and because my opinion was different, I was called names (despite the fact that I was civil with them).

So I have learned a couple of things while arguing with anti-choicers: if I post facts to back up my opinion, then I am told that my facts are biased. If I walk away from a discussion/argument, then I am in the wrong because I can’t refute the other person.

This is what politics in the US has come down to. This is also what journalism in the US has come down to.

Sadly, when I argue on a Pro-Life page, I already know I’m in the minority. I already know that my discussions are going to turn into name-calling matches because facts are irrelevant. So why do I put myself in that situation?

Because it means I at least tried. Even if it doesn’t get through, I know I did my best.

Life isn’t black and white. It’s a shade of grey. There are pro-lifers and there are pro-choicers. There are people, like me, who are both. But that’s the joy of living in America. At least we have the chance to pick which side we let our views fall on.

Arguing with anti-choicers

 
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Posted by on September 17, 2012 in Controversial, Politics

 

Ranting (as usual)

So, for the last couple of months, I’ve gotten into arguments on many different pages through facebook. I’ve also been called names, (even though I was quite civil in my arguments) “Pro-Death,” “Pro-Abort,” among them, names that I don’t believe fit me at all. Today, I pointed out that only caring for the fetuses is not very pro-life. I was told right off that adoption should be the only option available to women and that she (the commenter) does “care for more than unborn babies.”

How is forced adoption showing that she cares for more than the unborn?

“So, let me get this straight. If I’m married, using birth control because I don’t want to get pregnant, and get pregnant anyway, I should be *forced* to continue that pregnancy, even if it possibly kills me, to satisfy someone else’s sense of morality? “Putting the baby up for adoption if you don’t want it is the best thing you can do for that child,” even though the reason I didn’t want the child to begin with is because I already have kids and am focusing on them. Never mind the fact that we already have some 400,000 kids waiting to be adopted (from 15 months to age 18). This also discounts the fact that I am more than my uterus. I am a woman, a sister, a daughter, a friend.” (My status on facebook after the incident).

And yes, for those of you who don’t get it, if adoption is the only option, other than parenting the child oneself, then it is a forced pregnancy. I’m not forced to donate a kidney or other extra organ for someone else without my continued permission, why should I be forced to carry a fetus to term?

 
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Posted by on September 16, 2012 in Controversial, Politics

 

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Why Should I Argue Fact instead of Belief?

Debates can be healthy discussions that, when done correctly, leave no hurt feelings on either side. But they can also be emotionally draining. Depending on what the topic is, they may even be relationship breakers. Remember, you can debate on a heavy issue, such as abortion, and still leave the conversation feeling refreshed. But that depends on whether you choose your words and information carefully, taking into account everyone’s beliefs on the topic.

Debates only work if both sides have reasonable arguments and good information to back up those arguments. But remember, when using facts to back things up, that you aren’t just looking for facts that agree with your argument and always be sure to look at the context of the information you are using. When you debate with well-reasoned and researched information, you run less risk of hurting someone else’s moral/ethical code. You are always going to annoy someone, but then that was a given anyway.

Beliefs, how you view the world, affect you and you alone. No one else is going to view the world the exact same way that you do. Because of our circumstances (environment, life situation, ect.) we all have differing views on the same topic. When you argue beliefs, you run a high risk of your beliefs being questioned too, whether or not that is relevant to the debate.

Remember, when you engage in a debate, to be kind and courteous (and yes, foul language falls under common courtesy). Generally, bringing someone else’s name into a debate (even benignly) will cause hurt feelings and, quite possibly, retaliation without seriously thinking things through.

 
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Posted by on May 29, 2012 in Controversial, Politics

 

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